If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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