I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
