How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
