She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
