she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
