apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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