u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
