He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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