I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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