he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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