His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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