When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
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another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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