i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
