pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
