The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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