Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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