Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
