I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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