she smelled like a LAN party
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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