I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
