You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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