HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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