Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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