We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
