I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??