im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.