thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.