Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.