do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
