I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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