What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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