i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize