Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
