i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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