covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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