I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize