Please, let me fuck your mom
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
