this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish i was in the wii world.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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