I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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