you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
