I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
that may or may not have been my penis.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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