My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
