you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
