When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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