Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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