your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
