fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I queefed so loud it echoed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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