using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
