so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
