he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
