You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Randomize
