Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize