1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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