if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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