I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
