everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
