yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
