saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
