So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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