I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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