I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
