Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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