it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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