We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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