I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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