mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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