WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
